The Dive-Slide Play

By Warren Grimes, a devoted Cardinal fan

In basketball – as in life – not all is what it seems. To many of us fans, a fast break appears spontaneous and improvised. But the coaches and players know that hours of practice went into learning how to fill the lanes, wait for the defense to commit, and make the right pass.

Never was the illusion of spontaneity stronger than that Valentine’s Day evening when Lindy La Rocque made an exuberant dive for the ball and, while flat on her face under her own basket, fed a trailing Jillian Harmon for an easy layup. The crowd went mad; the bench went bananas; and Jim Watson yelled, “Stop it!” to a national television audience. The play did wonders to pump up the momentum for a Stanford team that was struggling to overcome a ten point deficit.

It is time to reveal the truth behind the Dive-Slide play. It was a carefully planned play – # 347 in the Stanford play book. It was conceived by the coaches while severely hung over after the ASU game in January. When initially charted for the players, there was a great deal of skepticism. “Diving on the boards . . . that goes against the grain,” said Harmon. “I was floored,” said La Rocque.

Despite their doubts, the players worked hard to perfect the play. After weeks of frustration and many failed attempts in practice, it all worked on that magical evening at Maples. The doubters were nowhere to be found. Part of the magic was that the players made it look so improvised, with La Rocque suggesting the intervention of an angel. And ... truth be known ... there were some unexpected wrinkles. As envisioned by the coaches, the play called for La Rocque to dribble the ball while sliding face down on the floor – to avoid a traveling call. “There was a failure to execute,” said Coach VanDerveer. But if there was a failure, it must have slid by the refs. Lindy was safe at home.

The stunning success and wonderful response to play # 347 is sure to spark a demand by other coaches to know how it is done. So I am pleased to offer this narrative description so that other teams may make this a fundamental part of the playbook.

First some overall tips for coaches:

• Use this play when your team is behind and needs a momentum spark.
  
  
• Do NOT use this play if your team is wearing velcro uniforms. I recommend uniforms with a friction coefficient of .0000539 or less. They cost a lot more but, believe me, they are worth it.
  
  
• Do NOT use petroleum jelly on the front of the uniforms. That’s really bad taste, and the refs are sure to slip your team with a technical.
  
  
• Do NOT use this play if your team is already ahead – high risk of splinters you know.

So here’s how it’s done. Three members of the team are involved. We shall call them “J Pohl”, “L Rock,” and “J Harm”.

The play begins with an assistant coach standing and holding up a coded sign with the name of the play (for example, “Las Vegas 15"). At this point, if the team doesn’t respond, the head coach should stand up and yell, “You blithering idiots, do the Dive-Slide play!!!”

Once the team has received the message, it is time for J Pohl to play tight perimeter defense on the opponent. She knocks the ball loose from the offensive perimeter player, preferably so that it bounces off the foot of the opponent and rolls down toward your team’s basket at the other end of the floor. It is important that J Pohl do this as artlessly as possible, furthering the illusion of spontaneity by perhaps falling backward and having no further impact on the play. Equally important, the ball must roll down toward your team’s basket at precisely 17.35 mph. Too fast and the ball rolls out of bounds (how boring). Too slow and there will be a mid-court rugby scrum for the ball (how tasteless).

Next, L Rock should chase the ball down the court, but remain a full step behind the opponent’s player who is leading the chase. At the three-point line, L Rock dives horizontally around and underneath the opponent to slide up to the ball – but remember, properly executed, this play requires L Rock to dribble the ball while sliding. When the slide ends, L Rock should lie there for an instant, with her head up and a quizzical what-am-I-supposed-to-do-now look on her face.

At the very last instant, J Harm trails in from the right to take a pop-up pass for the layup. That’s the easy part.

But really, with practice, it’s all easy.